On tonight’s commute home I must confess I lost my temper and yelled at two of my fellow cyclists. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, I called them “f**king idiots”. Unfortunately, I don’t think they paid me a blind bit of notice.
Why? Because they were so engrossed in the conversation they were having with each other I could have waved a machine gun at them or danced in front of them naked and they wouldn’t have even seen me much less taken offence at my actions.
The reason I got so angry at these twits was the fact that they were cycling two-abreast along the very busy stretch of road that is Kensington Gore / Kensington High Street. Now, cycling two-abreast is fine if you’re going at a reasonable pace, but this couple were trundling along very slowly, probably not much more than 6mph, and all the while they were gas-bagging to one another completely oblivious to the other road users around them.
I longed to overtake them, but because the traffic was so heavy I was unable to get into the next lane without causing a serious incident. So I tailed them and muttered under my breath and then, unable to stand their inconsiderate ways any longer, bellowed “bloody
hell, get a move on!”
When I did eventually pass them, I turned my head and gave them a piece of my mind. I’m sure they didn’t even hear me.
The most infuriating thing is that this is not the first time I have been caught behind Mr & Mrs Two-Abreast, so it’s not like this was just a one-off incident. They are obviously regular commuters that should know better and chances are I am going to get stuck behind them again…
… which is why I thought I better check the Highway Code to see whether they are, in fact, doing anything illegal. According to the code it’s okay to cycle two-abreast, however, Rule 51 states that “you should ride in single file on narrow or busy roads”. Now if Kensington Gore / Kensington High Street isn’t classed as “busy” then I’ll eat my cycle helmet!
So, I guess the only thing I’ve got to worry about now is this: how do I deal with them next time I see them? Should I carry a copy of the Highway Code with me that has the relevant rule underlined and then chuck it at them as hard as I possibly can and hope it makes an impact? Or should I get a megaphone, so that my comments can cut right through
their nicey-nicey conversation?